Finding Myself: A Journey of Self-Discovery.

The Journey….                  London – March 23rd 2012

When I begun this journey I never anticipated I would feel as bad as I am feeling right now. I though it would be an easier road but it isn’t. The deeper I search within my soul, the more pain and sadness I encounter. I promised to share with you dear reader, my ups and downs in my journey of self -discovery, and here I am opening myself to you at a very low moment.

London is very sunny today, you can feel spring in the ear. While the buzz and activity of the city is going on outside my window, I am sitting here in front of my laptop letting my fingers do the talking, inviting a world of people into my own.

Gustave Doré: Don Quijote de La Mancha and San...
Gustave Doré: Don Quijote de La Mancha and Sancho Panza, 1863 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

These last few days have been quite awful for me. I’ve been feeling sad and depressed. I feel so sensitive right now that I’m on the burst of crying most of the time. I know we all want to feel happy, cheerful and positive, but the journey of self discovery takes you sometimes into hidden passages where there are things to uncover, observe and put to rest. I know that in time I will be able to look back and see that every negative encounter, was necessary to bring about a positive life style.

It is paradoxical, but in our worse moments that is when we learn the most. This reminds me of a Spanish poem by Francisco Luis Bernardez (1900 – 1978) an Argentinian poet, that I would like to share with you:

Si para recobrar lo recobrado
debí perder primero lo perdido,
si para conseguir lo conseguido
tuve que soportar lo soportado,

si para estar ahora enamorado
fue menester haber estado herido,
tengo por bien sufrido lo sufrido,
tengo por bien llorado lo llorado.

Porque después de todo he comprobado
que no se goza bien de lo gozado
sino después de haberlo padecido.

Porque después de todo he comprendido
por lo que el árbol tiene de florido
vive de lo que tiene sepultado.

I can imagine what you must be thinking right now “But this is in Spanish!” believe me I tried to translate it, but  I wouldn’t have done justice to this beautiful poem, so instead I will relate to you its context. The poet acknowledges his loss, his pains but at the same time juxtaposes the benefits derived from his suffering. He realises that all the tears, hurt, disappointments, and suffering was necessary for him to be able to really enjoy life, to laugh, to appreciate love and the goodness of life in general. In the last stanza he makes a beautiful analogy of a tree: that the deeper the roots are buried the more beautiful the blooming flower it produces, like human life. Suffering tends to make (in most cases) a person stronger, more courages, more human and more empathetic to other people’s suffering. I don’t feel ashamed of sharing with you how sad or down I feel at this moment, on the contrary, it makes me feel happy to be able to share my pain because I know that many of you at some point of your lives have suffered in one way or another and can understand where I’m coming from.

My dear readers I would like to thank you, like always for being there for me, for connecting through the energy of the universe. I would like to wish you all a life full of goodness, wisdom and love. From this part of the mapa mundi I wish you all the very best. And I also send my love knowing that you too feel that love reaching through the air.

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12 thoughts on “Finding Myself: A Journey of Self-Discovery.

  1. No reason to be ashamed or proud of our feelings… It is like being ashamed of the rain and proud of the sun. The core of us is not emotions or thoughts anyway. As you might or might not know 🙂

    1. Korlis, thanks for your comment is insightful, we all have different ways of seeing life and expressing our experience. Your comment is very welcome. I like to learn and evolve and every encounter helps me so. 🙂

      1. That is good 🙂
        Unfortunately, quite often we think we are our thoughts and feelings… I saw a movie once, which I think was a good movie. A person in it said:

        “People are not their thoughts. They think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness.”

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