Parts of the Jigsaw: Learning Again.

This Morning                  London 5 April 2012

Every day, I aim towards piecing my life together. I know it takes time and patience, and that I need to monitor myself on a daily basis. I have become my own ‘subject’, life – coach and psychologist all at once. For the past five days I have been feeling quite down, depressed actually. It is very frustrating to want to do so MUCH and to realise that for one reason or another you can’t (not at that precise moment). Since starting my journey of self-discovery I took up the habit of writing everyday on my journal sometimes I write in Spanish (which is my first language) and sometimes in English. This morning I wrote in Spanish but I want to translate it and share it with you my dear reader. This is what I wrote:

Journal

Sometimes we want to fly before we can walk, sometimes we want to reach the chasm of heaven, when we are unable to reach the chasm of our own beings. In this journey that is called life, we encounter many stops, everyone of those stops seeks to provide us with a valuable teaching, with a tool that we’ll need for the journey. But sometimes we don’t want to, or we don’t know how to advance, and we stay stuck at that stop that becomes, eternal, boring and at times unbearable. But it is our own incapacity to learn, to take that tool, thank the stop; and move on our way forward into the journey of self-discovery that keeps us stuck.

This morning before I got up, I was analysing myself,  realising my own mistakes – and of course. I became aware that everything lies in me, that I am the only person that can improve my life. For five days I’ve been feeling depressed, disoriented, and confused. And only today I came to understand the reasons why…………………

I also learned today that the past and the future do not exist, what exists is ‘time’, eternal time, it continues even when we are not longer here. We will always and only ever have the PRESENT, this beautiful gift  in which we ought to carry out all our plans, an use it to the fullest, making every minute of this beautiful  gift count. Perhaps I’m not making much sense today, and it doesn’t really matter. You can take this writing, if you wish, as a stream of consciousness, or as the personal thoughts of a woman in her way to self-discovery. After so many years of emotional coma, and  traumatic illness, is not easy to piece my life together. But I’m hopeful and determined. I am taking each day at the time. Walking and learning with patience and love, for my life,  for those around me, and for the universe. My message to those who are going through a similar process of self-discovery as I am, is to see this as an amazing gift from God, who is giving us the opportunity to evolve to a deeper level of awareness and consciousness. I wish you all a marvellous day! and I’ll leave you with a song.

For those that speak Spanish:

And for those that speak English (or you can watch them both!)

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Parts of the Jigsaw: Learning Again.

  1. I think that is a good realization Maria, all that exists is the present moment and it is we who need to make our own inner change happen, in the moment. 🙂 Can only do things now, and not more than we are capable of, one step at the time. But with consistent work, those small things in every moment become big.

    I don’t know how it was for you, but sometimes we can understand something on an intellectual level, but then there are times where we get a deeper understanding through consciousness, by experiencing something directly. Like being in the present moment can do, when we have our consciousness activated. So all of us can understand intellectually that all we have is the present moment, but it is by truly being in the moment that we get a real understanding of it. 🙂 Consciousness understands…

    Did you watch that movie? 🙂

    1. Hi Korlis, how are you? yes I think you’re write it’s only when you’re conscious in the present moment that you can derived the best of life, and of yourself. Because it is in those moments of light that you can really see beyond all the shadows and the frivolities that surround our everyday living.
      Thanks for asking, no I haven’t seen it yet, but I will very soon because that’s the type of inspirational film I need to see at the moment.

      Have a wonderful day, and many thanks for your support. 🙂

    1. Hi Jamie, that’s exactly what I would like, to share my life with my readers. My blog is a form of journal, therapy and tool to help me in my journey back to me. It has been very difficult for me to get my life together and more importantly, to find myself again 100% but I’m on that journey of self-discovery and self- Improvement. It makes a world of difference to have people like you following me and helping me on that journey.

      Thanks for reading my blog/life jejejejje. And yes, I agree with you. I think blogs are a wonderful way to get to know people the real ‘you’ sort of speak comes out uninhibited. Thanks for this comment and do feel free to ask any questions, leave further comments or simply suggest a link. Have a great day Jamie and thanks for existing!!!

  2. This is quite a philosophical post, Maria, I enjoyed it very much and think you were making a lot of sense. I like the inclusion of the Music Vids – my man loves the English track, it’s been a while since I’ve heard it. I hope you are starting to feel more positive and settled about things now. 🙂

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