Hello My Dear Readers,
I have been away for a little while because I have been busy producing a short film which I am really excited about. It is my first film production and I feel very blessed to be working with an amazing crew of talented people.
Today I want to share with you how I feel. After many years of not believing in love, three years ago I gave myself the opportunity to love again. Unfortunately my heart got broken (again!) recently. It has been a very painful experience, it only happened about a week ago, I have managed to keep myself busy and to keep a smile on my face so that people won’t notice the pain inside. With this experience as with every experience, I had a choice, to wallow in self pity and hatred towards the other person, or to learn from the experience and subtract the most positive teaching out of it. I choose the latter.
I decided that this horrible pain I was feeling in my heart had to be used for some good. At that particular moment that I had that though, the universe cleverly guided me to read Paulo Coelho’s new book Aleph and in this book I found a very useful therapy to mend your heart or to make peace with the past. Hilal, one of the main characters in the book has to forgive past hurts and this is what she says:
” I Free myself from hatred through forgiveness and love. I understand that suffering, when when it cannot be avoided, is here to help me on my way to glory. I understand that everything is connected, that all roads meet, and all rivers flow into the same sea. That is why I am, at this moment, an instrument of forgiveness.” (P168)
I found this so beautiful. I got out my yoga matt on the middle of my white ceramic floor, placed two white candles at each end of the matt, grabbed the book and opened it on the page where she utters a beautiful prayer of forgiveness. I too decided to become an instrument of forgiveness, I decided to learn from this experience and to be a better, wiser person. Her prayer goes like this:
“I forgive the tears I was made to shed,
I forgive the pain and the disappointments,
I forgive the betrayals and the lies,
I forgive the slanders and the intrigues,
I forgive the hatred and the persecution,
I forgive the blows that hurt me,
I forgive the wrecked dreams,
I forgive the still-born hopes,
I forgive the jealousy,
I forgive the indifference and ill will,
I forgive the injustice carried out in the name of justice,
I forgive the anger and the cruelty,
I forgive the neglect and the contempt,
I forgive the world for all its evils.” (p169)
It is so hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, broken your heart in pieces and showed complete indifference; but that person who ever he or she may be, must carry the cross of their own making, must reap all that they have sowed. We are responsible for our own life and cannot blame anyone when things go wrong. It hurts, yes, it hurts so much! but I am determined to come out of this situation a better and stronger person, having learned the lessons the universe so kindly teaches me at this moment. In the book the character continues her prayer as follows:
“I also forgive myself. May the misfortunes of the past no longer weigh on my heart. Instead of pain and resentment, I choose understanding and compassion, instead of rebellion I choose [writing]. Instead of grief, I choose forgetting, instead of vengeance, I choose victory.
I will be capable of loving regardless of whether I am loved in return,
Of giving even when I have nothing,
Of working happily even in the midst of difficulties,
Of holding out my hand even when utterly alone and abandoned,
Of drying my tears even while I weep,
Of believing even when on one believes in me.”
What a powerful prayer! beautiful indeed. If only you could see or feel, dear reader, the intense pain I feel inside. As I write this post, my tears pour out of my eyes to release the pain I feel inside.
I will keep you posted on my journey and everything that is happening in my life. NOW more than ever I need to share my life with you, to know that there are wonderful people out there who love, cry, suffer and triumph just like me. And who are close to me by the matrix of the universe, sending me their love and good wishes, and supporting me with their kind energy. Well, I hope I haven’t made you too sad, but it was my promise to share with you my life. Feel free to leave comments, advice or simply read my posts.
As always, I wish you all a wonderful day or night.