Where does it all Start?
Love and appreciation starts with YOU. When you love yourself it is easier to love others (in a healthy way) when you truly know who you are and understand your own intrinsic value, is far easier to see that value in others. So why is it that true love is so easily confused and hard to find in our modern times? the answer is: because most of us don’t really understand what love or appreciation is. In the medieval times, before a male could aspire to be with a lady, he had to prove his worth, by the same token if a lady wanted to be with a true knight, she had to prove her worth as a lady and potential love. In our modern society however it is so easy to confuse lust and infatuation with love, that people seem to fall in love every day.
But what is love? rational love is a feeling but it is also a rational and conscious decision to choose SOMEONE amongst a sea of people, there is one that for you as an individual catches not just your eyes but most importantly your soul, a person that resonates with you in many important ways. True love is not easily replaced by a younger body, or prettier face. Because true love is based on a set of values, attributes and characteristics pertaining to an individual, and these set of values are all inner values. Surely you can feel lust and infatuation for a person and feel that in that moment that person is the most important one in your life, but how strong, rational or mature is that emotion or feeling, when a week later you replace that person for someone who is prettier, younger, thinner or richer?
As women we need to love and appreciate ourselves, to know our value and character and to learn to allow the right men into our lives. Men as well need to learn that what matters in a life partner is the essence of a woman which is completely irreplaceable. Because what makes a person truly special is not the colour of their eyes, the breast size, or the number of biceps in someone’s body. What makes a person special is the quality of their character. Those attributes that make that person funny, intelligent, sweet, courageous, creative and any other quality that is important. You can easily get a breast transplant, or enhance your lips or your penis, but what you cannot buy in a shop, or surgery room is quality of character or attributes that make you stand out in the crowd. For these things you need to work from within.
My advice for all the women out there: learn to love yourselves exactly the way you are, harness the power of your brain and soul rather than wasting money or energy on someone who wants to change you because they feel you don’t fit their sexual mental fantasy. If someone is going to love you, that person has to see YOU, the real you and if that person is incapable to view the beauty in you, then my dear friend he is simply not worthy of you. If he can easily replace you by someone younger or prettier then he does not know what he has in front of him. It is time for women to love themselves and appreciate themselves highly, not to let ANY man objectify you and change you from a beautiful human being with a complex matrix of qualities and mental capacity, to and object of sexual desire easily replaced by another object of sexual desire. When a man objectifies you as a “sexual thing” he is dehumanising you.
Not only do we have to make ourselves worthy of the other, but also our partner has to be worthy of us. Our dignity should never be negotiable. Love should not robe you of your self esteem. Walter Riso, a Colombian psychologist gives an advice worth contemplating: “In a relationship if your are faithful, you expect faithfulness, if you give love you expect love as well. Those who believe they can just give and give without expecting anything in return, with time they start feeling frustrated and depressed, since it is logical and coherent with our human condition to have interpersonal balance. Some people only know how to relate to others from exploitation or adopting victim attitudes. ” the all for love slogan does not work. If someone does not love you, don’t insist, learn from that experience and move on, don’t beg or try to convince the other person. Someone sees how wonderful you are, falls in love with you and decides to be you or they don’t in which case you move on!
- Happiness of Married and Unmarried (parisanoman.wordpress.com)
- I Love Me, I Love Me Not (recipeformarriage.com)